Everyday Happiness Series – Ayla

Everyday Happiness Series – Nicki
March 30, 2017
Everyday Happiness Series – Rainbow Sparkle
April 4, 2017

ayla

“Life is made up by lots of moments.
Some of them are good, some bad, some are painfully average. We can let these moments define us, or we can create better ones for ourselves.

We get to decide if we are happy or miserable.

I should know, I’ve had more than my fair share of miserable moments in the last 30 years.

When I was 6 years old, I suffered 3rd degree (full-thickness) burns to 40% of my body. I spent months in hospital and years recovering.

A lot of people carry their scars on the inside. My whole life I have carried mine on the outside.

Part of me has always struggled with it. Every time I meet someone new, or wear something that reveals my scars (which given the extent of scarring – is most of the time), I wonder…… Are they judging me? Are they disgusted by me? Are the scars all anyone can see when they look at me?

At 8 years old, I lost my Father to suicide. I watched my family struggle without him, watched them have to grow up without him…they shouldn’t have had to. Then my Uncle died suddenly of a heart attack… he meant the world to us…..it felt like bullshit after everything we’d been through.

It’s not surprising that depression plagues our family.

Most recently the man who I have been with for 6 years, who I had planned my life with and who I moved across the country for…was not the man I thought he was. He was a cheating coward.

This one completely destroyed me. It tore me down so much that I questioned everything about myself. What had I done wrong? How could I have been such an awful person that he left me for someone else? What was wrong with me?

Something like this really makes us question our self-worth. I am still building my happiness up again from this one.

But this is what I mean by moments. We can focus on the hundreds of bad moments, or we can look back on the thousands of happy moments.

When I look back to all the things I have been through, I do see those terrible events. But what shines for me is the absolute strength, courage, kindness and generosity of those all around me.

After my Father’s death, I witnessed the strength of a woman who taught me courage, independence and an inner strength that will last me a lifetime and prepare me for every moment that came and is still ahead.

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You know in the 24 years since I was burnt, not once has anyone judged me for these scars! People have chosen to love me, be my friend and think I am beautiful despite those scars.

Out of those hundreds of bad moments carrying these scars, I have had a thousand happy ones. A family that stands by me, friends that never even saw them when they looked at me and the men that chose to love me, all of it was for I who I was.

And yes, I am still painfully self-conscious of them, but people show me every day that they don’t matter in the least.

I want a Tshirt that says #SheGotHappy and I want to flip people “the bird” while I’m wearing it. Because eff all the “haters”.

From now on, I’m going to do what makes me happy.

I no longer have time for anything else”.

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